Random Musings of an Autism Parent

Random Musings of an Autism ParentStress, so much stress. Every day, in the face of it, you try your best. But what if it’s not enough? You fret, you worry, you toss and turn at night.  

The cortisol pumps in your head, making it feel like it’s going to explode. 

You try not to yell, you don’t want to yell, but you can’t help yourself.

Unless you live it, you will never understand what it means to be an autism parent. The highest highs, and depths of despair lows.  

External assistance so thin on the ground, budgets slashed to the bone. You don’t qualify, you’re on your own. 

No time for space, no space to breathe. The cortisol rings through your ears. 

You look enviously at other families enjoying their lives and time together. How can you not? You aren’t a robot! 

So many ideas. Fun things you could be doing instead of constantly putting out fires. 

Your head swims with inspiration when there’s no way to capture it, but your head is completely empty once the kids are finally in bed. 

Evenings gone, sleep stolen. 

So much stress, cortisol pumps.  

You’ve accepted and accepted and accepted, but there are things you refuse to allow in the name of autism.

Random Musings of an Autism ParentThe spitefulness is the worst. Screaming “I hate you!” in their faces. The tears, screaming, more yelling. Vicious cycle. 

You know the things you’re supposed to be doing, and that knowledge haunts you daily. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Futile thoughts, unhelpful worries.  

You need to implement a crisis plan, and you need to stick to it like glue. One eye on the future, but don’t look too far ahead. Concentrate on a making tomorrow a brighter day.

High functioning autism can feel like a curse, but there absolutely must be positives? Super powers for superheroes.

House trashed, mind messy. Hope gone. 

Then when all feels completely lost, a breakthrough.

“I don’t want to fight anymore mama.” How you’ve longed to hear these words. Olive branch held out. Clarity coming back. 

Random Musings of an Autism ParentHello perspective, you’ve been missed. Far too busy trying to figure out the autism parent minefield.

You’ve been shattered into tiny pieces, but must come back together again. Unite as a family in your quest for happiness.

You must find your way back to happy, what’s the alternative?

You try your best, always trying to do what’s best. 

Cortisol pumps harder than ever before.

You need to be kinder to yourself, but how when you go through life feeling like such an utter failure? 

Is being an autism parent the toughest gig of all?

Random Musings of an Autism Parent

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